How to talk about it at work and who to tell
Here are some tips for anyone dealing with disability disclosure in the workplace, or who knows someone who may need help.
How much do you disclose? It depends....
I’ll only use the word ‘autism’ for urgent situations where, e.g. on airlines, I need quick access to a blanket so that the air conditioners — as interpreted by mixed neurological wiring — didn’t send me into a hypothermic spiral. ‘Sensory processing’ is for when I have a bit more time — my hairdresser now knows and I sometimes excuse myself out of the salon if too many hair dryers go off.
Sometimes no explanation is better. If I’m with someone who won’t get it, or with people outside my main professional and social circles who have no need to know, the less said, the better.
If you need to disclose a clinical label, be clear about why you are telling them and pick a couple of behaviours. Keep it simple. Your ability to be concise about one or two behaviours and recognise the needs of other people in interacting with you speaks volumes. If working in larger teams, to save the emotional expense of sharing widely, consider giving permission to your manager to disclose in general and neutral terms that you have specific arrangements (a nuance between ‘nothing to see here’ and ‘don’t be taken aback’ or the military style, ‘as you were’).
Keep the discussion brief and intentional. Clear intent will strengthen your relationship with the right confidante. People can use being special to skirt responsibility or avoid accepting the rules that everyone else has to abide by, and turn this into a lifetime modus operandi. It’s legitimate for managers to factor in the impact of adjustments on them, their teams and their organisations. There is a bigger issue at play if people react like your diagnosis is an excuse. Often they are struggling to find their own language and voice around the adjustments they need to look after themselves without the cover of a label.
Reorient your role to suit your attention style. I am much more aware of being a PWAD — a person with a disability — when I’m working within an organisation that develops rigidly controlled social norms of behaviour. The closer I feel with my direct team, the less I feel stressed by office social norms. Less stress means smoother day-to-day modifications. When I have the space to really chew at a complex problem, I couldn’t be happier. I know that in most cases I will come up with a way forward that no one else probably could. This can only be due to my ‘faulty’ wiring. If I can say so myself, I’m brilliant at onboarding new staff because I can pick up and respond to any feature of the work environment that is unfamiliar to them. There is a direct and powerful relationship between performance and psychological safety that few really know about. Once you see it, it becomes a superpower.
Get the best support. There is more support out there than you may realise. The catch is, you have to keep looking. Mental health and medical professionals vary significantly in their working knowledge of disability support. Occupational therapists are best placed diagnostically and many focus on paediatric ‘clients.’ Realistically, it may take five or six different professionals to find someone who can make your condition make sense and show you the right next steps where you will be able to actually see results. This is rather sobering. But getting the right help makes it all worthwhile.
Statistics! Statistics are a great deflector to have on standby when feeling exposed. A clever repartee composed of statistics can make it sound like you fit snugly into the rounded peak of the bell curve. One in five of us has a mental illness. One in five of us also has a disability. Even if you don’t experience something like this directly, the chances are even higher that you care for someone who does. While these statistics are not without their limitations, it does help to refer to this information to change the stigma and encourage others to do the same.
I’m pleased to share that a lot of my past trials with disability diagnosis are behind me. I work now with a leadership team that supports my wellbeing and considers the adjustments I request, with or without creating too much paperwork or awkward conversation. I am now in the position to share my experience and help others with customised tricks that help their performance, whether it be due to a disability, a health condition, extra stress at home or just a bad few weeks.
I am one of the luckier ones.
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